i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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