I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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