a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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