just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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