bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
