Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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