I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
