So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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