I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
