I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
