He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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