sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
