hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is Oprah even human
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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