I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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