You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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