I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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