and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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