Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
