This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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