Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
