The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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