when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
