what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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