I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
