I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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