Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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