I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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