I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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