someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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