I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
