You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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