Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
