Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
