Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a beard to bite.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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