ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
