i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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