I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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