11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We smell like vodka and hangover
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