I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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