She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
