You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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