jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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