yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
