I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
false alarm. still invincible.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
