mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
