I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
