Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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