I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it because I queefed?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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