Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
