I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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