I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
