hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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