That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
