There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
...so i touched it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
