You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
