Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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