birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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