I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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