8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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