I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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