Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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