Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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